Why I Hate Diets

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Over a period of years, I began to understand why I hate diets. In fact, I don’t know anyone who has sustained being on a diet long term. They are not only restrictive but they almost feel like a form of punishment. Just the thought of the word diet immediately makes me feel deprived.

Here’s why I hate diets:

they instantly make you feel like there’s an invisible wall that goes up in front of your mouth that says access restricted;

they put you in deprivation mode, (which is the kiss of death if you’re trying to lose weight); and

they make you feel cut off from enjoying life the way everyone else enjoys life.

Plain and simple, the word diet just makes you think about FOOD all the time!

Instead of thinking about all of the “good for you” foods that you can eat, you

fixate only on the forbidden foods the diet says aren’t allowed.

So, feeling restricted from eating all the foods you like crowds out anything useful you could think of on your own that may be helpful to you while trying to lose weight.

I believe it’s why the other four-letter word (fail) soon follows for a lot of people when they start a diet.

No Flexibility

Following a diet also means keeping rules. I’ve never been good with rules. Don’t get me wrong, I follow rules, but I don’t always love them. I’m a free thinker.

For instance, I don’t break the law and I stop at red lights. But, when it comes to personal preferences like what someone should or shouldn’t believe, or how someone should or shouldn’t eat, I question things.

I remember questioning everything as a kid. It’s funny because back in the day, kids weren’t encouraged to ask questions.

You accepted whatever the rule was in your house, and did what you were told especially around food. For instance, in our house, you had to eat what was put in front of you and “clean your plate”.

Reward vs. Punishment

I can remember many a day being the last one sitting at the dinner table with a plate of cold food in front of me while my mother cleaned up the kitchen around me.

I wouldn’t eat because I wasn’t hungry, and wasn’t allowed to go back outside to play until I finished my dinner. I was restricted from enjoying myself until I ate my dinner. It was a standoff.

This didn’t happen every night, but it did happen at least a few times a week, and definitely when the liver with onions was on the menu. Why did parents back then do that to us kids? But I digress. That’s another story.

Sometimes my mother would win that battle, sometimes I would.

From Childhood to Adulthood

Fast forward to adulthood after all those rules and regulations have been ingrained.  You don’t really think about whether you’re hungry or not when you sit down to a meal.

Throw in the stress from a hard day and coming home to do your second job (cooking, cleaning, checking homework if your kids are younger), and you somehow begin thinking that food is like your reward.

Comfort is all you can think about and using food to do the job is easy. Hey, why not? I was entitled, right?

Of course, when you are using food for comfort, you don’t prepare food or meals you hate like when your mother cooked for you. You may opt for fast food, or even if you cook at home, you might still follow the clean plate rule without hesitation. 

How does this have anything to do with the rules around food when I was a kid you ask? Here’s where I’m going with this: I was forced to clean my plate when I wasn’t hungry or else I’d be restricted from going out to play.

As an adult, I came to use food to self soothe because life felts restrictive in many ways. In my opinion, it’s clear how this dysfunctional relationship with food started early in life.

Learned Behavior

Now hold on, I’m not blaming my parents for my weight problems.

It took some major inner work to figure out where the patterns stem from that contributed to my weight issues as an adult. But, that diet mentality began early.

I was always conscious of my appearance. My weight fluctuated up and down. I was always on some kind of diet. In fact, the year that I got married I gained 60 pounds.  

I also couldn’t fit anything in my closet. I didn’t want to shop for clothes. I didn’t want to go out or be seen. How did I handle it? Oh, I comforted myself with food!

I thought if I just went on a diet, I’d get back to a reasonable weight and be good to go.

The Diet Trap

It’s not like I had to look that hard to learn about the latest and greatest diet to try. You can glance at a magazine cover in the cashier’s line at the grocery store.

The mere mention of the word diet at work and everyone chimes in about what will work and won’t work.

I even acquired some unsolicited accountability partners while I was at it.

With a credit card in hand, I also got sucked into a few infomercials that promised I would get the body seen prancing across the TV screen if I purchased their diet plan.

I have tried so many diets it’s almost embarrassing because some of them actually did work.

But here’s the thing, I’m not a robot and I don’t live in a bubble. I’m married with a growing family (at the time).

This is a time in life where flexibility is a must. My focus was on caring for everyone else. This is what we women do, right?

Some diets do offer flexibility, but I still found that no one diet could fit my life. Eventually, I would feel like I failed if I didn’t follow it exactly.

If I didn’t lose any weight, I would give up on it. If I did lose some weight, I would gain it back right away (even quicker than I had lost it). In those days I didn’t understand the importance of sustainability as it pertains to a diet plan.

So, it was back to the drawing board.

Something Had To Give

With all the different types of diets and rules to follow, I was confused about what to eat and how much. For years, the struggle was real!

When I wanted to lose weight for the final time, I knew I couldn’t do what I had done in the past. It didn’t work then and I knew it wouldn’t work this time.

I had to create a plan for myself. It had to fit my life, my schedule and my tastes.

Even though I never sustained any diet in the past for the long haul, I knew there were certain aspects of each diet that did resonate with me. You know, the simple stuff, like drinking water and controlling portions.

I knew I would have to start simple and small. If I felt overwhelmed like there was too much to do, forget it. I began to think, if I created my own weight loss template, it might work.

A Plan Was Born

I decided on a simple plan. For the first week, I made one small change. I cut out alcohol. I knew I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. It was making me feel horrible anyway so it wasn’t difficult. Decision made:  Alcohol was out.

Now I didn’t just cut things out. I added lemon water as my main beverage, and a hot cup of tea when I would normally have a glass (or two) of wine in the evening if I had the night off.

My food choices didn’t change initially. I just portioned the heck out of EVERYTHING even junk food. If I wanted cookies, crackers or chips, I would have the serving size.

I also promised myself that I would grocery shop on a regular basis and cook more. I hate cooking but I knew some form of meal planning had to happen. We’re talking real simple cooking here, no recipes.

If I wanted take-out, it was a planned event and it wasn’t just any take out. It had to be a favorite food, and worth it – like pizza. Sometimes I would make a home-cooked version of a fast food meal like burgers and fries.

In the days and weeks to follow, I added fruit to have for a snack in between meals. I didn’t tell myself that I couldn’t have the typical craving of crackers, cookies or chips I just intentionally chose the fruit because as time went by, it got easier to keep my word to myself.

I also added more veggies. In fact, I had a vegetable with lunch and dinner. That became my new rule.

 

Protein was easy to portion out. It’s usually the size of a deck of cards or the palm of my hand if I wasn’t sure, otherwise, I would just use my kitchen scale (leftover from a past diet I followed). Eventually, I knew what portion sizes should look like for any food.

Finally A Small Win

After 6 weeks, I was 12lbs lighter and I

never looked back.  My personal weight loss formula was born. By the end of 2017 I was 90+ pounds down.

I’m maintaining my weight loss because I’m comfortable eating this way. I went on to lose a little more weight in 2018 and I’m at about 100lbs down.

My style of eating has changed since the beginning. After few months, I didn’t feel the need to include certain snacks items that I found difficult to pass on at first. I began to see them for what they were: triggers.

I’ve tried different ways of eating along the way, low carb, pescatarian, vegetarian. I learned to fall in love with the process of transforming myself.

The best part is I feel no more deprivation because I didn’t restrict anything. I followed my own rules, and that was a much easier way for me to live.

I understand now, that knowing what to do isn’t all there is know about losing weight. A huge component is a mindset you have about yourself, food, basically EVERYTHING.

 

When you have as much weight to lose as I did, the way you think going into it will determine how successful you will be.

I can’t fully describe the difference in how I feel now compared to 2 years ago. Is life perfect? Of course not. Am I happy? Oh sure, but not just because I’m 10 sizes smaller.

Real talk, I’m pumped because my blood pressure is the same as it was 20 years ago and my risk for diabetes and cancer has been drastically reduced. My back and knees don’t ache either.

All I kept hearing from my co-workers was, “what’s your secret”? Or, “what diet are you doing”? They were never satisfied with my response of “no diet, just eating food”.

They all assumed I was starving myself, or I had given up some major food group. I would tell them that anyone and I mean anyone can do this.

Yes, there is some work involved. The main point is you just have to DECIDE. Start where you are, do the best you can with what you have, and take it one day, one meal, and one snack at a time. Just start.

My co-workers still don’t accept that explanation. They ask the same questions to this day. But hey, that’s really all there was to it, aside from the mindset piece which I can’t wait to share on the blog in the coming weeks.

Have you succeeded with dieting? What’s your biggest struggle with losing weight? I would love to hear from you!

Please share in the comments what has (or hasn’t) worked for you. We’re all in this together!

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