At 257 pounds, I didn’t see myself as the person I wanted to be. It was a struggle to see myself as someone who didn’t have a weight issue.
There was no doubt in my mind that I had to do things differently. For instance, I knew I had to make healthier food choices in if I wanted to lose weight.
Choosing healthy food was a small piece to the puzzle.
However, before making any decisions about what food I would eat, I needed to understand how I ended up where I was. The simple answer is that I ate the wrong foods at the wrong times.
I dug deeper, asking myself a lot of questions, mostly along the lines of why didn’t I take the time to prepare healthful meals for myself.
Looking Inside for the Answers
I’ve been following a life coach online by the name of Brooke Castillo. She applies a fascinating coaching model with her clients.
This model helps you understanding how you end up with the results that you have, which are the circumstances you live with currently.
I’m not a student of hers but I listen to her podcast regularly. Under her coaching model:
your feelings create your actions;
your thoughts create your feelings;
your actions create your results; and
your circumstances are neutral.
I didn’t know I was applying this model in part at the beginning of my weight loss journey.
Not to sound all woo-woo, but I did some major self-reflection before I took steps to try losing weight. I needed to lose 100 pounds, so I thought, this “had” to be permanent.
I spent a couple of weeks to observing my thoughts about myself. Particularly asking myself how I felt about myself. Sounds weird, I know. But I in order to get the results I’ve never had before, I had to do what I’ve never “done” before.
I had to dig deep. I wanted to get to the heart of why I made decisions that caused me to take the actions that contributed to me being obese.
Some of my behavior related to my energy levels, because my job as an RN was exhausting mentally and physically.
It became clear right away that I didn’t take an active role in tending to my own needs over the years. And, it isn’t that I did not think I was worth it.
The Role We Play
We women are caregivers by nature, and we tend to everyone else first as a rule. However, when it comes to our own needs, we’re an afterthought. Being a nurse, wife, and mother made this super hard for me to wrap my mind around.
The more I mindlessly when through life, the more weight I gained. The more I felt horrible about myself, the more I comforted myself (temporarily) with junk food, wine and sleep.
Inevitably, the guilt would pile up. I would try some unrealistic diet or weight loss plan and eventually fail. Then the cycle would start all over again.
I didn’t develop any coping mechanisms for the stress of work, kids, marriage and life and responsibilities. The pace was fast, and I was on autopilot.
Self-reflecting allowed me to understand the role I have in cultivating my own self-worth. As it turns out self-worth comes from inside. I was responsible for my own, happiness and well-being.
I was racing through life making sure I took care of my responsibilities, but I wasn’t on the list. It was my responsibility to take care of “me”.
Taking Action
It was a new concept for me to realize I had to take an active role in how I showed up for myself. And, I know I couldn’t be on autopilot anymore. I had to pay attention. At 100 lbs overweight, my life depended on it.
I’ve never had the body type that could eat anything and not gain weight. I had to be mindful of my behavior. In other words, I had to be present.
Being present isn’t something I learned instantly. I had to take baby steps. Habits can be changed, but for permanent change I had to STAY present.
Knowing this couldn’t be like all the other times when I tried to lose weight, I had to experience all facets of the process. This meant I had to be patient. Um, this isn’t my strong point at all. I like to get stuff done and move on.
Keeping it Simple
I knew I couldn’t just start eating a regimented diet plan. I’ve been there, done that and failed miserably. So I started with one change.
For me it was giving wine the boot. It was the easiest choice for me because I wasn’t tolerating it very well anyway.
To have a hangover before you even finish one glass? Yea, I kicked wine way to the curb, and it was surprisingly easy. I was shocked too!
I added in lemon water and made that my primary beverage. I then added other good habits which crowded out my other not so good habits. I even started exercising a little.
I decided to stop skipping meals, and I brought my lunch to work every shift. I even prepared meals I knew I wouldn’t mind having more than once per week.
I’m not huge into cooking but I love soup, so I would make a vegetable soup in the crock pot, and portion 2-cup servings to stack in the fridge and freezer.
I’m a no recipe kind of girl, so whatever I have on hand that I know will taste good together goes in the pot.
Sometimes I add in some protein to my soup, usually chicken or turkey or occasionally, shrimp. Easy peasy.
A New Way of Life
The point is, I made conscious decisions. I stayed present by checking in what with myself about how I was feeling, physically and emotionally.
I made distinctions between physical hunger vs emotional hunger consistently. And I committed to drinking water first think in the morning, before bed and before any meal or snack.
If I had moments where I got bored with my food, I would change up what I was eating.
I started noticing after 6 weeks that what I was doing was working. After about 3 months, other people began to notice the changes in my appearance.
After an entire year of releasing over 90+lbs, I felt so amazing it was indescribable. I didn’t know I could physically feel this good because I never paid attention to how I felt physically, or emotionally.
People I knew for years didn’t recognize me. I had cracked the code.
Was I perfect? Absolutely not! I live life, and that means flexibility. I had some slip ups, sure. I didn’t make them mean that I was a failure.
I vowed that no matter what the scale reads, I wasn’t going to stop. A scale reading cannot mean anything about my ability to get to my goal, unless I allow it.
I acknowledged what I did, why I did it, learned what I needed to from the experience, and kept it moving!
In the past I wanted to skip through to the end result. This time, I actually enjoyed seeing the whole process. I stayed present the entire time, something I had never done before.
Rinse and Repeat
It really was a series of mini habits compounded over time that helped me reach my goal. I’m back on autopilot, but I’m at the top of my list of responsibilities now!
During this transformation, I also kept my mind busy with learning about nutrition through the online course I took through the Institute of Integrative Nutrition to become a health coach. We really are what we eat!
I spent 2017 learning about and experimenting with different ways of eating. The entire experience was a lesson in patience and persistence.
Before I knew of the life coach, Brooke Castillo, my version of her coaching model worked for me. I understood that if I continued to see myself as someone who obsessed over food and my weight, that weight would always be an issue.
After doing all that inner work, I see myself now as a person who doesn’t have a weight issue. I go through my day to day behaving “as if” I am this person who is in control of her weight.
This was an amazing revelation for me. Once I figured this out, I feel that all that I aspire to is within my power.
You may have heard the saying, “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”. Well, I kind of applied this principle to my weight loss journey.
I reached my goal and released 100 pounds by February 2018.
My wish is that you give envisioning what you want for yourself a try!
Do you struggle with your weight? Are you on the list of people you take care of? I would love to hear from you. Let me know in the comments!
